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lunarhuangsigh. sighhhhhhhhhhhhh. mega long unbearable sufferings carried on for too long sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i'm here again. and that is obviously not a good thing because i'm really just here when 1) i have too much things to say about an obsession but i've damaged too much friendships to actually be comfortable enough to just barge in their dms to ramble my mouth off about said obsession so i eventually resort to megaphone-ing my thoughts to an empty chamber. despite my chronic introvertism i still have decorum do not fret. or 2) i'm just too deep in this weird state of wanting to die but still trying my best not to just end it all. but yet again some nights u're just like /this/ close to actually entertaining these thoughts of death... sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i should've known there was something wrong when watching bojack got me feeling so sentimental and shit like dang i don't think the point of the show was to have the audience relate themselves to the main character out of literally all other species in the show. but dang. truly. like fine bojack's a shit person i agree but he's trying. and maybe i'm just a shit person and maybe i deserve all of this which i agree to a certain extent but good god am i trying.
i'm writing too much already so i might as well just get emotional and let it be over with. i don't know what i'm doing. i don't know if i'm living /the/ life i would be happy to look back to in five years time. i don't know if i'm doing enough for myself, what more for other people. there's this constant pressure pushing down on my shoulders and i can feel it pushing on my chest when i lay down and it makes me scared. nothing erases them. i feel like i'm on edge all the time and exhaustion creeps up on me and settles down bone deep that i can't do anything about it. it's like there's a sickness slowly enveloping me and devouring me whole, suffocating me in it's hold.
this feels like a cycle that i'm all too familiar with and i'm scared. i'm running on autopilot. i'm steeling myself despite it all. i'm feeling numb all over and i can't even recognise if my feelings are all that genuine even. i'm exhausted.
i'm here again. and that is obviously not a good thing because i'm really just here when 1) i have too much things to say about an obsession but i've damaged too much friendships to actually be comfortable enough to just barge in their dms to ramble my mouth off about said obsession so i eventually resort to megaphone-ing my thoughts to an empty chamber. despite my chronic introvertism i still have decorum do not fret. or 2) i'm just too deep in this weird state of wanting to die but still trying my best not to just end it all. but yet again some nights u're just like /this/ close to actually entertaining these thoughts of death... sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i should've known there was something wrong when watching bojack got me feeling so sentimental and shit like dang i don't think the point of the show was to have the audience relate themselves to the main character out of literally all other species in the show. but dang. truly. like fine bojack's a shit person i agree but he's trying. and maybe i'm just a shit person and maybe i deserve all of this which i agree to a certain extent but good god am i trying.
i'm writing too much already so i might as well just get emotional and let it be over with. i don't know what i'm doing. i don't know if i'm living /the/ life i would be happy to look back to in five years time. i don't know if i'm doing enough for myself, what more for other people. there's this constant pressure pushing down on my shoulders and i can feel it pushing on my chest when i lay down and it makes me scared. nothing erases them. i feel like i'm on edge all the time and exhaustion creeps up on me and settles down bone deep that i can't do anything about it. it's like there's a sickness slowly enveloping me and devouring me whole, suffocating me in it's hold.
this feels like a cycle that i'm all too familiar with and i'm scared. i'm running on autopilot. i'm steeling myself despite it all. i'm feeling numb all over and i can't even recognise if my feelings are all that genuine even. i'm exhausted.
