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hi. again.
i wished to come back here on a more positive note because some Crazy good stuff happened the past week (re: met 5dream AAaaaAAAaAAAAAAA!!!!) but alas, the real reason i'm here is that i am experiencing a drop in mental health and i do not know where else to go LMAO so yea. sorry if this comes off as unserious btw i am just physically incapable in taking myself seriously especially when it comes to concerning stuff lololol so wtv ig.
it's been... hard. and frustrating. to try and doze off at night for the past several weeks and frankly i think my body is giving out on me due to the increasingly severe condition of insufficient rest time. my brain's either pulsating slash pounding every other hour and it's been so trying to focus in classes because i'm always in pain or in a state of extreme dissociation and sleepiness. i've got my midsem test in approximately 2 weeks and i'll be honest i'm trying so hard to keep my mind on track preparing when i could not be more astray than ever ugh.
also. i've considered going for evaluations for neurodivergence(?) for the longest of time but idk i'm scared and idk how to navigate myself around this thing as i am really unfamiliar with it. but i just really need to know what's wrong with me. i was scrolling my tl the other day and found a twt where it says that if you're here wishing you're sick (hospitalised) so you could take a day off of daily life's pressure, then there is something inherently wrong with you. because the initial thought is not a healthy one and uhhhhggg. yea... then another user quoted with the thing where if you wish you were sick, then you really ARE sick because no healthy individual wished to be sick. so uh. erm. it basically gets you thinking huh.
i'm tired of trying to be functional. everyday i try to swat away these thoughts of kmsing and try to live out being a 'normal perfectly functional with very great common sense' individual when in truth, my socialising skills have never reached a bar this low and my abilities in understanding social cues are just so... debilitated. i get worse and worse at being functional and i think i am wearing myself out way too ahead of my expiration date.
i am honestly in so much pain and hurting deep inside but i really don't know what to do. i want to get my mind off of things but it'll take time and i cannot waste more of it than i already have. idk if crying even helps anymore. idk if it can even be helped anymore.
sigh
fuck me or wtv amirite
i wished to come back here on a more positive note because some Crazy good stuff happened the past week (re: met 5dream AAaaaAAAaAAAAAAA!!!!) but alas, the real reason i'm here is that i am experiencing a drop in mental health and i do not know where else to go LMAO so yea. sorry if this comes off as unserious btw i am just physically incapable in taking myself seriously especially when it comes to concerning stuff lololol so wtv ig.
it's been... hard. and frustrating. to try and doze off at night for the past several weeks and frankly i think my body is giving out on me due to the increasingly severe condition of insufficient rest time. my brain's either pulsating slash pounding every other hour and it's been so trying to focus in classes because i'm always in pain or in a state of extreme dissociation and sleepiness. i've got my midsem test in approximately 2 weeks and i'll be honest i'm trying so hard to keep my mind on track preparing when i could not be more astray than ever ugh.
also. i've considered going for evaluations for neurodivergence(?) for the longest of time but idk i'm scared and idk how to navigate myself around this thing as i am really unfamiliar with it. but i just really need to know what's wrong with me. i was scrolling my tl the other day and found a twt where it says that if you're here wishing you're sick (hospitalised) so you could take a day off of daily life's pressure, then there is something inherently wrong with you. because the initial thought is not a healthy one and uhhhhggg. yea... then another user quoted with the thing where if you wish you were sick, then you really ARE sick because no healthy individual wished to be sick. so uh. erm. it basically gets you thinking huh.
i'm tired of trying to be functional. everyday i try to swat away these thoughts of kmsing and try to live out being a 'normal perfectly functional with very great common sense' individual when in truth, my socialising skills have never reached a bar this low and my abilities in understanding social cues are just so... debilitated. i get worse and worse at being functional and i think i am wearing myself out way too ahead of my expiration date.
i am honestly in so much pain and hurting deep inside but i really don't know what to do. i want to get my mind off of things but it'll take time and i cannot waste more of it than i already have. idk if crying even helps anymore. idk if it can even be helped anymore.
sigh
fuck me or wtv amirite
